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If you dread the eventual necessity of dividing up a family estate, or if protecting, preserving and even improving relationships within your family during an estate settlement is important to you, then this might be the most important letter you’ll ever read or the most valuable web site you’ll ever visit.
I know how you feel, - I have felt the same fear. I’ve been through the entire process. I am happy to tell you that it is possible to emerge from dividing an estate peacefully with a fair settlement and still remain friends with relatives. I know, because along with my three siblings, I did it.
After my parents passed away several years ago, the four of us came together to divide all of the “things” of their estate. We were about as different as any four siblings could be. We had never been extremely close and we didn’t know how to do this. We all had a fear of things erupting into discord. In an effort to “keep peace”, we developed a system of organization and ultimately emerged from the process as good friends (and we are still good friends today – many years later.)
You’ve probably heard the horror stories (or may have one of your own) about how families are torn apart by hard feelings stemming from the inequitable division of an estate. An outside observer might dismiss such cases as being pointless, petty, and avoidable.
How easy it is for all of us to repeat the same mistakes that led to these tragic consequences! And usually the damage occurs over little things while in the process of dividing up furniture, special keepsakes and other household goods of an estate. Feelings get hurt, people say things when emotions are volatile and tempers are ignited easily. The resulting hurt may continue for a lifetime.
Our father, Eugene A. Epting of Athens, Georgia, was an attorney with much experience in such matters. He used to tell us that “people often let the little things destroy their lifelong relationships.” Based on his teachings and advice throughout our lives, we developed a step-by-step process for achieving this division in such a way that conflict can be avoided, and a fair and peaceful settlement can be assured. If the four of us could do this – your family can too! (And I’ll show you how.)
Friends in Athens began to ask us how we did this. Gradually I began writing out notes and instructions to assist them. As people asked questions and clarification was needed, the instructions got more detailed. For about ten years I gave this away to numerous families.
All of the stories from people who have used this method have been positive. There is nothing that proves the worth of a process better than success stories. Finally – I have now documented this into a book called . . . The Settlement Game: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly.
This provides clear, useful advice about how to divide a family estate in a fair and peaceful manner. Even though it addresses a topic most of us don’t like to think about, this book is potentially helpful to just about everyone. Not thinking about this situation beforehand and not having an adequate plan in place to deal with it are often what cause heartbreaks that result from the division of estates.
The Settlement Game will get you to think clearly about problems you may never have anticipated. It will help turn what could be a very trying experience into something positive and memorable, a time to celebrate family relationships rather than to destroy them.
I believe in family relationships. They are special and unique and should be among our most precious possessions. However, I have heard countless stories about how families have been torn apart by fights that are rooted in hard feelings after dividing up an estate.
This plan may sound too good to be true. You may be wondering how any one system could apply to all families – since no two situations are exactly alike. You are right – there are problems that even this book can’t solve.
What I do know is that reading this book and using this system will help to improve most any circumstance. It will help to avoid conflict because it is based on the principle that all of us know-“Treat people as you would like to be treated.”
It also establishes a system that makes a fair distribution of things, even if some members in a family aren’t inclined to care about “The Golden Rule”. The book is designed to help you develop your own version of ‘The Settlement Game’. Some of the rules are universal, but many variations for the division method are possible. It makes allowances for various numbers of heirs and different circumstances outside of the traditional family. Most of all – it helps you to think through the process before you begin, and that alone might help to avoid conflict.
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